Do you ever have it when you start to think
"If only I had more _________"?
Me too.
I'm feeling that way right now.
_____________________
When I was young
I wanted more friends, more toys, more candy
And then it was more clothes, more bedroom space
More good grades, more fun, and more freedom
After getting married
I needed more household supplies
more dishes, more towels, more pots and more pans
And then I noticed that to store them I needed
more closets, more drawers, more space
a bigger house
And then I wanted more people
(more little people, that is)
Of course more money always comes in handy to pay for it all
___________________________
But today I'm realizing that
What I really want is
More Time
___________________________
More time to be
fully present
with each of my kids,
my husband,
my friends, coworkers and neighbors
To not have to settle for distracted and surface interactions
To never have to miss a performance or game
To be the mom that brings cookies to play practice and chaperones the class field trip to Chicago
Time to rake my mom's leaves and play tennis with my sister
To take long walks in the woods
To have a clean house, laundry folded and put away
To be able to relax at the hairstylist
To leave work feeling completely accomplished
with every spreadsheet perfectly balanced
To be able to bring a treat to the neighbors
or a meal to someone that needs support
To not have to hurry out the door
To never run out of time to read the Bible and pray
To have time to sew and knit
and let my creative juices flow
Time to prepare healthy lunches and dinners
and to exercise regularly and vigorously
____________________
Doesn't that sound lovely?
____________________
But that is not my life.
At least not right now
And there are a lot of things I'm not willing to give up
I know I can't do all of these thing perfectly
So I prioritize
There are lots of days with piles of laundry and dishes around the house
Who Cares?
I am not going to be quilting for a few more years
I can cope.
Sometimes fast food is all I can rustle up
and I pack lunches that are really lame
oh well
oh well
There are times I regret
not asking the right questions
not listening carefully
not bringing the cookies or the meal
And that is what is hard for me
It is easy to make a list of regrets when life is busy
____________________
But how can I complain?
Look at all of these beautiful things God has set in my path:
a great husband
three amazing kids
a big family full of love
friends
a warm home to keep clean
and food to serve
passionate, Christian coworkers
a job I really enjoy
a creative mind
a love for neighbors
a desire to serve God
So maybe there isn't time to do them all justice
I expect that I'll make mistakes
and have some regrets
But for as long as I still have time left
I'm not going to stop trying to be
everything
God created me to be
